Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Yesterday we received the news that our father passed away. I would honestly never post something so private but my sister and I are hurt over the way this has been handled and how some people are choosing to treat us.
We unfortunately didn't know our father was ill and weren't given the opportunity to make amends and say goodbye. We also weren't told directly that he passed away but instead found out by a family member seeing it on Facebook (hence my post yesterday). My sister and I didn't have a relationship with our father for several years as he chose alcohol and other substances over his children. Children is the key word here and still to this day we are blamed by a few "family" members for not reaching out to our father who never once reached out to us.
We have some good memories of our father but unfortunately they are few and far between due to the life he chose over his children. He missed out on several special moments with his children including school events, weddings, graduations, holidays, and father-daughter bonding moments like teaching us how to drive, how to take care of a car, etc. Growing up and still do this day I'm envious of friends that have wonderful fathers in their lives to share these special moments. But to me he missed out on the most special part of our lives..he missed meeting our amazing children who would have been his 4 grandchildren. Not many kids can say they've been to jail or rehabs to visit their parent before even becoming a teenager, rode in the car at the age of maybe 10 while their parent was so intoxicated they were driving on the wrong side of the road and the child was scared for their life, go school shopping only to find out while we were waiting for him in a strange parking lot that he spent the money on drugs, wait for him to show up to finally spend time with you only to be disappointed for another no-show, and to be called numerous horrible names a father should never call his daughters. But again we continued to try time and again to have a relationship to only be let down by his preference of alcohol over his own children. When you are continuously let down and fail at multiple attempts to have a relationship with your own parent and the parent chooses a certain lifestyle over his children you go through life feeling like he didn't care about you. This made us question why are we not good enough for him? Why is his "lifestyle" more important than his own children? But what we did learn from this man is how not to treat your children and family and not to make promises you can't keep.
Thankfully we have the MOST wonderful, caring, and strong mother that played the role of mom and dad. She raised 2 girls alone while working multiple jobs as our "father" chose alcohol and other substances over taking care of his children financially, emotionally, or physically. We had a wonderful Papa that cared for us and always made us realize how loved we were. We were also blessed with a step-dad who has been an important part of our lives and our children's. We are forever grateful to them and our family that supported us through the tough times we experienced.
We were informed today, the day AFTER our father passed, that he talked about us frequently especially in his final days. Unfortunately the person who sat by his side during his final moments chose to make an extremely heartless decision by not giving her brother or nieces a chance to make amends before his final breath. This is again somehow our fault although we never knew he was even sick. I've often wondered how I would find out or how I would feel when this day came around. It almost happened how I imagined it would but I'm more upset than I thought I would ever be. Although we didn't have a relationship with our father as adults and our childhood/teenage relationship with him is something we honestly prefer to not speak of we are saddened to hear of his passing. We are also so heartbroken that someone in our family knew he cared about us and heard him speak of us so frequently but never gave us the chance to make amends and say goodbye. This same person that sat with him in his final moments and heard him speak of us so frequently told us today that we will live with guilt for the rest of our lives as the blame is on our shoulders for not reaching out. This family member and several others aren't even aware of what we experienced as children with this man or how many times we've had our hearts broken for trying to have him be a father to us. I actually believe that someday this person will feel the guilt that they allowed their brother to pass away without talking to or seeing his adult children when she knew how much he wanted to in his final days.
So once again thank you to the family and friends that have always been there for us. We love and appreciate you!
